This is the Max and Paddy... All your favourite clips from Peter Kay's Max and Paddy Series, make crank phone calls!

Download the sounds:
And what's that supposed to mean? Big Bob's Bastard Beans Have you got any of those big tellies? I like to think of myself as a bit of a romantic Do We Checkout supervisor... really! Why do you keep buying cheap crap? Bottled in the mountains of Afghanistan? Bollocks Oh aye, we got to get a bit of porn on that for the lads Bit of manners cost nothing Hello Boys Have you got any plasma screens? Good morning anals, good morning Charlie I've got a beautiful 22 inch Futaba What we need is a bit of fun and games Erm Eheheheheyeah That's the thing I cant. Well I can and I cant How dare you How dare you 2 How dare you 3 Ho ho ho Hey He's a case ain't he. Crackers that lad I like a girl with special needs Oh no I don't mean a girl with special needs In a nutshell, you stink You can forget that What's that This is the front room, that's my room. Tour over Speaking of arses Oh yes, the old shore leave, batter down the hatches and all that Come here I'll rip your bastard head off. Paddy has needs! Pleasures of the flesh Max! Smell of perfume wafting across the nostrils Oh you're on your arse Oh yes here we go ding dang do! Oh yeah Oh Jesus no I am not watching Charlie's anals like that What we'll be watching won't be for the families my friend. Well lets go out dressed as a couple of Nazi's then, see how far we get. Its like living with a bloody woman

Brian Potter was a glorious sitcom character - stingy, mean-spirited, calculating, excitable, embittered - yet while the lowbrow, downbeat air of northern clubland was palpable, Phoenix Nights was an affectionate rather than patronising take on the subject. The performances were perfectly pitched and the many guest appearances from clubland personalities (either as themselves or in character parts) were excellently judged. Inspired lines and comedy moments abounded from first scene to last. The sum total was another comedy extravaganza for the richly talented Peter Kay, whose stock rose steadily as a result - by the second series both he and Phoenix Nights had become the comedy talk of the town.  

Max and Paddy's Road to Nowhere Soundboard - Click the words to hear!

You need to upgrade your Flash Player to view this video. Download the free Flash upgrade here